Apocalypse Now

The world as we know it ends tomorrow; for once we have scientific support to this. Well the basis for which is indeed from some star-gazer, some group with mathematical prowess and precision engineering skills. The calculations are simple enough to grasp, well if you are a star-gazer yourself. As keen star-gazer, the ancient Maya were familiar with astrological cycle we call the Precession of the Equinoxes. This is close to a 26,000 year cycle in which Earth passes through each of the12 signs of the zodiac for 2000-2152 years each. Each of these astrological ages represents one month of the Cosmic Year. Alright if you get that then kudos to you, I’m on their side of the fence, wondering why all of you burden yourselves with clothes in the tropics, seeing the absolute redundancy of a knot tie in a suit in 35 degrees of direct Sun heat. That’s the lot of the corporate man, he smiles in his sweat, but how many times are we going to be frightened at the idea of an ending existence. How many times are we going to be cajoled to relieving ourselves of valuables and maxing our credit facilities in the hope that we wouldn’t wake up tomorrow. When we gather the courage to say the words to your Boss that you have so longed to share, the euphoria of abandon, the inconsequential nature of ‘no tomorrow’ is a prerequisite to some kind of Chaos, must be, or else why would it be as a thief in the night not some mathematical calculation on dates that we invented. In the end, does it really matter? The world ends tomorrow and we have facts to support it, no man or future teller propounded this theory, it is as factual as the sun rising tomorrow.


In the end, it doesn’t really matter; in retrospect we see the futility of our efforts. Apparently the world ends tomorrow, someone got a memo from the powers that be and we got 24hrs to evacuate the planet and move to Hellium prime. Well Tom Cruise has an acre on the moon, he paid $48000! Well if you got oxygen I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you pitch your tent there (silently). Sir Richard’s got comfortable carriage, pricey virgin galactic tickets; you get to sit with Brangelina, Tom Hanks, a British Royal, Steve Hawkins, Michael Schumacher and a host of well accomplished members of society. The passenger list is rich, I mean literally! Well if you’re not the type to like space travel you can always find a bunker – in Russia, Fear not, as Russia has you covered. For $1,000, revellers, and the worried, can enjoy a doomsday party inside a Soviet bunker.

Bunker-42 sits 184 feet under central Moscow and was built-in 1956, reports Reuters. After the Cold War it was transformed into as a tourist destination and museum. The bunker can fit 300 people and will be hosting a doomsday party in preparation of the Mayan apocalypse. Yes they said a party! Bring your cheque books too for tickets were being sold at a price of $1,620. The Moscow Times reported that, as of last week, tickets have skyrocketed, with tickets selling for over $16,000.

It seems Nigerians aren’t the only opportunist out there, we are just not as distinguished as the other super powers, and we don’t have the wit to pull off a scam like that. To make people pay to sit in a hole in the ground for hours is a feat of a seasoned and well-trained scam artist. The doomsday party will feature cartoons for children as well as movies, lectures about doomsday, and tours of the bunker, there will also be “live broadcasts from other bunkers in other countries.” Great like what are they going to talk about? The rest of the world is dying or dead and we are going to play who wants to be a millionaire remotely. While the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse be unleashed on the Earth in the Great Apocalypse of 2012. They are the forces of man’s destruction described in the Christian Bible in chapter six of the Book of Revelation. The four horsemen are traditionally named after the danger they represent: Conquest, War, Famine, and Death. Kind of like what we experience anyway, but hey not at the same time.

Homo-sapiens evolution took a considerable amount of time, six days of talking and one major flood. A couple of hours and in an instant isn’t the way it has been, let’s look for answers in nature; we might stumble on some truth. I don’t see any lizards borrowing deep into the earth, or are they not in the scheme of survival too? The last time this happened some sold and some were in debt, this time we can be united in the stand and say, we can all be friends finally! We can all hold hands, gather round our coffee table in a group hug fashion and wait till the sun turns all to ash, this is after u find code scratched into a door by a minor decades ago.

This is the ranting’s of a madman, but it seems there is no company amongst us, the sane have taken over all the anomalies’ left to propound one abnormal. Come tomorrow I will be sipping a glass of chardonnay with one hand in my pocket and the other one…





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