Penny Royal Tea

As much as I would like to start the year with some positivity, it is just lacking. Residue remains of the previous year; 5 persons charged with rape (and eventual murder) of a 23yr old med student in New Delhi, that just put India down the list of places I want to be, regardless of the fact that I might not really pass as rape material. There’s a minor involved too, apparently he needs to get his bone marrow analysed to ascertain his true age, look if dude can get a boner then he can stand trial simple! What’s wrong with kids today anyways, with all the activity laid out for you, there is still boredom, you have like 20 dedicated channels for your viewing pleasure, catering for Barney lovers to Hannah Montana drones, leave the guns in the shed and get some KY jelly boys – DIY (it’s safe and hassle free) shame on you gang raper’s on a bus. I always wondered how they keep it up with all that commotion going on, some caveman mojo going on there. The Dalai Lama twits – “The real source of inner strength and self-confidence is warm heartedness”.  In a country where a rape is reported every 21 minutes, on most days, Indian newspapers report shocking new atrocities – a 10-month-old raped by a neighbour in Delhi; an 18-month-old raped and abandoned on the streets in Calcutta; a 14-year-old raped and murdered in a police station in Uttar Pradesh; a husband facilitating his own wife’s gang rape in Howrah; a 65-year-old grandmother raped in Kharagpur. Okay I’m sure you get the picture now, the peoples is sick! Or they have something warm.

On to other perfectly normal events (for I am the mad one) Toyota is previewing a self drive vehicle, The “advanced active safety research vehicle” prototype uses Intelligence Transport system (ITS) and existing Toyota technology to monitor whether the driver is awake (hmm automatic stereo volume enhancer, tune to wazobia fm), to keep the car on the road (we have paths here), and to stop at traffic signals; tricky the ones on Ozumba Mbadiwe can just decide to stay red sometimes. The technology is designed to be used in conjunction with a driver (what a lovely collabo), but the car can control itself, said the spokesman. A series of optical beacons on the roadside can detect the positions of pedestrians and obstacles, and relay information to the prototype about whether a traffic light is red or green, as part of ITS. The car can also independently monitor pedestrians’ positions. That would be something, please monitor the hawker with the recharge cards and the ones that always want to clean your windscreen with dirty water. “Computers will be ever vigilant. They don’t get distracted,” Prof Newman said on Friday. Wonderful news, this would be the breakthrough of all new meanings, the word crash would have more of an encompassing texture to the situation.

Fact is we are hungry in this parts, we are still gatherers in the field, searching berries with blunt splints, we need to have full bellies and veg out on a sofa to begin to see the need for a dishwasher. We have to be able to be lazy, enough to manufacture something that works with independent power, as opposed to the underpaid subservient help. We haven’t ascended to stress free living, we need not extreme sports or expensive addictions, we are a people without many aspirations – Get rich or die trying. We get an A for trying, after the air crash of last year, the same airline got its inaugural flight from Lagos at 10am yesterday and landed in Abuja at 11.05 packed with celebrities, journalists and some passengers. Comedians, Basketmouth, Buchi and musicians Harrisong, and Dipp were among the celebrities that joined the flight – the gospel according to Linda Ikeji. As I said get rich or die trying…

The National Assembly has approved the sum of N4,987,220,425,601 as the nation’s budget for year 2013. It comprised N387,976,000,000 funds for statutory transfer; N591,764,000,000 for debt service; N2,386,024,770,349 for recurrent (non-debt) expenditure while the balance of N1,621,455,655,252 is for contribution to the development fund for capital expenditure. Nice, so we can afford to buy mobile phones for farmers eh? My attention has been drawn to the issue of N60 Billion to be spent on phones for farmers, reported in some media sites and papers. The information is absolutely incorrect. There is no N60 Billion for phones anywhere. It’s actually for fertilizer (shit basically). The Minister for Agriculture, who takes public accountability and probity very seriously, states “there is absolutely no way in the world that I will even contemplate or approve such expenditure”. I truly believe him, after all what do farmers want to talk about….ol boy my scare crow na suicide bomber. The EFCC, released a statement yesterday saying they have seized 48 properties belonging to the former Governor of Bayelsa state. Wait are the properties converted to learning centres? Mr. Timipre Sylva who is being prosecuted at a Federal High Court in Abuja for alleged misappropriation of N6.46 billion state funds when he was governor of the state. What more can be said, with our hands on our chest we sing in high notes, “thy labor of thy heroes past shall never be in vain, to serve with heart and might, one nation bound in freedom, peace and two major rivers dividing the extremist from the greedy, the coward from the gullible. Lord Lugard (and his wife) must have been having a laugh, sorry UNITY, they couldn’t even come up with a decent name.

Well we have approx. N5Trillion to spend and 12months to do it in, put in your proposals and paste your bills, the madness has only begun.


2 thoughts on “Penny Royal Tea

  1. I never knwew that rape cases were so rampant in india….quite sad really….. Love your blog. Just booked marked it on my laptop.

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