Finally, the sound of controlled explosions has seized and the Christmas trees have found their way back in their boxes (and bins). The euphoria is over, work has begun and the weather is in sync with our pockets, for it is dry. In this state of chasing payday, some find solace in tinkering with things that truly have no priority.

“No Going Back On Criminalizing Same-Sex Marriage in Nigeria” – David Mark. Yes it’s one of those ones, not sure if to address, tricky eh? Okay in my mental state (see blog title) I will try to make sense out of this bill, for it is indeed a bill on tax payers. In the face of growing pressure from the international community and human rights activists demanding the legalization of same sex marriage in Nigeria, President of the Senate, David Mark, has insisted that that the bill prohibiting same sex marriage is “irrevocable”.  In other words the House of Representatives is giving the finger to Amnesty International, in a bid to promote decency -The act was criminalised by a senate bill which got popular support from Nigerian lawmakers who said the bill will promote “decency” in the Nigerian society. How noble of the law makers, in this public display of high level (mediocre) morals. Let’s get this straight, same sex marriage will become a criminal offence in Nigeria and punishable by imprisonment of not less than 14 years if the bill is eventually signed into law. We have placed premium on the sexual preferences of otherwise law abiding citizens of this great nation. Where freedom, peace and unity are embedded in our national creed, besides not everything should be made into law, the good people of Cross Rivers State have a reputation for cleanliness, on their streets and otherwise, this is heralded without a law guiding them from littering. If it is of you then it would be you, we don’t need a law guiding against something we claim to reject.

Our various religions guard against such practices, no registry would grant a gay marriage here anyway, so kini big deal? Wait first, is it not overbearing to pry into peoples bedrooms? Abi are they doing it on the streets. When was the last time you saw a public display of amorous interaction? How does a Human beings’ sexual preference translate to crime? We have no laws protecting minors from forced marriages; we have no one talking about heterosexual males who like to use the exit points (yes we heard the stories of the former VP –God is watching you) as entry. Mr Mark also goes on to state “Any person who … directly or indirectly makes public show of same-sex amorous relationships,” is also liable and punishable with a 10-year sentence.” Now that’s a bit confusing, so holding hands at the bus-stop can land you in jail – for 10years! This is a society that still embraces jungle justice (Aluu 4), you have now armed with legislation to prosecute people like Denrele (no vex, we know you are straight) and half the male population of Northern Nigeria.

In the spirit of decency and moral fabric I propose a bill to criminalize adultery in Nigeria (If your thing is causing you to sin, endeavour to cut it off). Marriage is a contract, binding by law; whoever is in breach of this should face a penalty punishable by up to 14years sentence. Where there is proof beyond reasonable doubt (a text message can suffice), also any public show of extra-marital relationships should also be liable and punishable with up to a 10yr sentence. Hypocrites we are, on our semi-righteous soapbox when we can sleep with our son’s wife (yes we heard that one too Baba) and covert thy brothers wife (you know yourself). For we have all encountered adulterers in our lifetime, how many homosexuals have you encountered in this blessed country? The law should hold liable the adulterer and fornicator, then see watch as hotels turn to churches and those slim girls become thin and phoneless.

We all have our vices, some visible, others not (C in C, we dey see the blue-label effects o), he with no sin should cast the first stone. Mutual respect and regard for our neighbour is lacking. There is a certain drive to enforce our will on others (ever had Jehovah Witnesses knock at your door?) a certain willingness to execute our desire on the Next Man. Well the featured image says it all, you are all charged with the civil responsibility to report any show of amorous same-sex interaction, endeavour to report HRP (His Royal Punkness) Mr Oputa and Mr Edun. Tinsel isn’t as entertaining these days; we need the comic relief of another Oputa Panel.

I see no sense in tinkering with personals, it opens the door to a whole lot of madness and then too many people would want to have a mad diary! – Or worse a script for Nweka Road Onitsha, grab your copy now!!!!!


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